Inside: Myths about self care for working moms.
Self-Care has become such a buzzword these days but is still very much misunderstood. Many of the moms I work with think self-care is just simply being self-indulgent, like eating the extra cookies, or having that glass of wine, or taking that extravagant girls’ trip. So many of the ways women engage in self-care may fill them up in one way but deplete them in another. Having a glass of wine is a perfect example. I used to use wine as self-care, and while it helped me calm down in the moment, the reality was it created more anxiety the next day.
True self-care should benefit your whole being, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Self-care is just about checking in with what you need during this time in your life and giving yourself permission to do that.
It is honoring what you DESIRE in the moment, whether that it is to rest, play, be alone, or even be with your people. There isn’t one way to practice self-care, and it will look different every day. It is saying ‘No to what you SHOULD be doing and saying ‘YES’ to what you WANT to be doing. We overcomplicate this, and then we fall into the trap of believing so many myths about self-care.
Here are three common myths that women believe when it comes to prioritizing self-care.
Are you falling into these self-care myths?
Myth 1: Self-care is selfish.
The metaphor I use when coaching a mom on why self-care is a must is to imagine you are like a car. I say a car because as moms we ‘carry’ our family and we help take our family from point A to point B. Imagine self-care as the gas to help the car run smoother. You don’t feel guilty or think it is selfish to stop to put gas in the car, right? No, you understand that in order to run smoothly, in order to properly fuel and care for the car and those the car is carrying, it needs gas. Same thing with us. Self-care is not a luxury; it is a must. And when we become moms, we seem to forget this! It can actually be selfish to not practice self-care. If your family gets the version of you that has an empty tank, they are not going to go very far.
Myth 2: Self-care takes away from those I love.
I believe every mom reading this wants to give their child the best version of you. Self-care, when it is done right, allows you to fill up and show up more complete. This notion that it takes away from your kids is a LIE. When a mom is showing up well cared for, physically, mentally, and spiritually, this mom is more complete and more whole. So, you could argue that self-care actually gives more of you to those you love.
Not only do we need to fill our cup, but we have to know what fills out cup. Many moms have lost sight of what fills their cup and are disconnected from their desires, so self-care feels like a chore vs something that you look forward to.
Myth 3: Self-care is expensive.
Self-care does not need to be complicated or expensive. Sometimes my self-care is 10 minutes of silence throughout the day or driving home and staying in the quiet car for just 5 minutes to breathe before I walk in the house. Self-care really is not about what you do. It is a way of Being. When we prioritize ourselves, we are declaring that we matter too. You will always be able to afford what you value, and so if you view self-care as a luxury or something that is too expensive to afford, you are really saying that you do not value you!
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How do you practice self-care?
Self-care is not a one and done thing to check off your list. It is a daily practice and a way of being. When you regularly practice self-care, you are regularly checking in with yourself. You are asking this very important question, “What is the kindest thing I can do for me right now?” When you lead with this question, you can’t go wrong.
Self-care may change depending on the season you are in, and it will look different than your friend’s version of self-care. Self-care is acknowledging that you have needs too, and those needs matter because YOU MATTER.
Here are some simple ways you can incorporate more self-care.
- Turn music on and dance
- Take a drive
- Sit in silence
- Rub on oils
- Intentionally connect with someone
- Take a nap
- Be creative
- Go on a walk
- Treat yourself to a luxury
- Read a book
- Get dressed nice
- Say no
- Wash your face
- Light candles
- Self-care shower
What is a self-care shower? Intentionally create a self-care experience. Turn on music, light a candle, diffuse oils, but take a little longer to just BE PRESENT. Focus on the water, get out of your mind and into your body for the few minutes you are in the shower. This is a form of meditation, and it is so unbelievable in helping you to quiet the mind and truly nourish not just your body, but your mind and soul.
Self-care is something you get to practice and experience every day. When we show up to our lives full of energy, love, peace, and balance, we get to live in the overflow. We don’t have to try so hard to give what we don’t have. We will be so filled up with all this goodness that it will naturally overflow to those we love.
This is SELF-CARE and this is how you fill your cup.
My name is Bridget and I am a wife, mom of 4, and a trauma-informed, certified life & relationship coach. I work with women around the world helping them create deep connections with themselves and others. My programs help women break free of emotional blocks so they can find joy again in their relationships. You can find me on Instagram @bridgetcovill or through my website www.thinkandthrivecoaching.com. I also run a podcast called Wake up and Thrive.
Bridget has a lovely gift for our readers today – grab her Make More Time For Mom Guide.
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Jackie Forcelle says
“Self care is not about what you do. It is a way of being”
This statement resonates with me. Thank you!!