3 Tips For Bonding With Your Child On Their Terms

Most parents would agree that their first job and responsibility is not to be best friends with their child, but to be a good parent to them. Often, that’s more than enough. After all, a friend can let you get away with anything, such as eating ice cream for all three meals of the day, never having a bedtime, or watching cool violent action movies before the age you’re ready for them. However, most responsible parents understand these are poor practices that can harm you, and by extension, parenting is the most balanced form of friendship. It’s about advocating for your interests even when you don’t think that’s fair, or when you dislike their decisions. 

As parents, that’s the first priority. It doesn’t preclude bonding and caring for your little one either. It’s good to know them as people, to share fun and loving times together, and to enjoy our temporary time here with laughs, gratitude, and smiles. Of course, most children look up to their parents and enjoy spending time with them no matter what. Bonding with your child, especially as they grow, slowly but surely becomes more of a balance, that is, you need to consider their terms as well as yours. In this post, we’ll discuss how to do that mindfully:

Photo by Lina Kivaka

Find Their World & Join It

As a child gets older, their interests start to change, so a wise approach to stay connected is to show a genuine interest in what they care about. Don’t worry, you don’t have to become an expert on every video game they play or every musician they listen to. Ask them questions about it, or maybe you could sit with them while they do what they love. You may find yourself learning about something brand new and discovering a side of your child you haven’t seen before, perhaps as they show you new styles that season or talk about their current fixation.

You can also share what you love with them, perhaps inviting them to cook with you or help you with a project you have going on in the garage. If you both include one another it’ll lead to natural conversations and they’ll begin wanting to share their excitement with what you have going on.

 

Make Sure They Feel Heard

Sometimes, just active listening can be enough. It’s definitely easy to get distracted with everything else going on in your life, but a child can feel it when you are just half-listening and they may stop talking to you about themselves, especially if you negatively react a few times. 

If a conversation develops, put down your phone or turn off the television when they’re trying to tell you something important, and you can ask them follow-up questions to show them you’re engaged in the conversation. When they feel like you’re truly listening, they will be more likely to come to you with their problems and their triumphs, and it can build a foundation of trust that will last for their whole lives.

 

Give Them Room To Grow

As your child grows up, they’re going to want more independence, and a parent’s job is to give them that while still providing a loving and safe environment. You can let them make some of their own decisions as they grow from their toddler years, like letting them decorate their room (with some help) or perhaps having more say over their clothing. Depending on their needs you may also need to support them in other ways, such as with Autism360 over a diagnosis, heading to educational support groups, or joining sports where you attend every week and see them progress.

All children grow, it’s in their nature, but being there and helping them to explore in a guided and safe manner is where the most bonding will ever take place. So, be sure to take advantage of it, and yes, have fun if you can! You may be surprised at the positive results you both enjoy.

With this advice, we hope you can more easily bond with your child on their terms. Just remember that not all children are the same, some are more reticent, and you’re not a bad parent if it takes a while. If your child is truly closed off, then it might be worth visiting a children’s counselor to give them that impartial space to unfurl, working with you to help them come out of their shell.