For Face Your Fears Day, we are talking all about things that scare us, or have scared us in the past. I thought I would talk about my fears about having children since it was something I was scared about for so long (before I finally agreed to try it on for size).
My Fears Before Having a Baby
1. I was scared about pregnancy in general. Would my body be able to handle all those changes? Was I healthy enough? As it turned out, yes, my body did just fine for the most part. Gestational Diabetes was the only issue, and that was toward the end and wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Though now I wonder if I’ll have it again in a future pregnancy.
2. I was worried about the sickness. Would I be constantly throwing up? I hate throwing up. I didn’t once break my no puking rule, but I did feel sick most days, especially in the evenings for a while.
3. I was absolutely terrified about labor and delivery. There are just so many wildcards that can come at you and you really can’t predict or control your birth. Will I be able to handle the pain, even with all the drugs? As it turns out, I had to get induced because of gestational diabetes, so nothing went like I expected. Also, they turned off my epidural when it came time to push, and that was just awful. I’ll be carrying this fear with me to a future pregnancy.
4. I worried whether I’d be able to really love a little stranger or if I would resent his or her presence in my life. I know, totally didn’t need to worry about that. Though now I worry how will I be able to love another baby like I love this one.
5. I was scared of the newborn phase. The tiny delicate little baby that could be so easy to accidentally hurt – I never really held babies before. Instinct took over and the little tiny babies are actually tougher than they look.
6. The sleepless nights terrified me too. Would I be able to handle the sleep deprivation and still be able to care for the child? The sleepless nights were quite awful. I’ll carry that one with me to the next one. But somehow I survived that with my sanity intact.
7. I worried about breastfeeding, whether I’d be able to do it, and how much of a commitment that would be. As it turns out, my body is kind of failing in this one, though I’m still trying to give him at least the few ounces I do produce. I’ll be worried about this next time too, pretty much expecting my body to fail again.
8. I worried about parenting in general. Will I be able to make the right decisions? Will I raise the child well? This fear will just continue for the rest of forever, won’t it?
9. I was worried about the loss of my control. I like to plan and feel like I’m in control of the direction my life is taking, but children bring so many variables to the equation of life, that all that planning can go out the window. Yep, but I’ve gotten better about letting go of the control needs.
10. I feared my loss of identity the most. Would I still be able to be me, have my own interests and hobbies, or would I only be “___’s Mom”? I’m working on not making this the case. It is very hard to have your own time with a baby, but I try to take time to myself occasionally when I can. Having my career helps a lot with identity, too.
New Moms – do you share these fears? Or what fears did you have before having a baby? I’d love to know!
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