For Face Your Fears Day, we are talking all about things that scare us, or have scared us in the past. I thought I would talk about my fears about having children since it was something I was scared about for so long (before I finally agreed to try it on for size).
My Fears Before Having a Baby
1. I was scared about pregnancy in general. Would my body be able to handle all those changes? Was I healthy enough? As it turned out, yes, my body did just fine for the most part. Gestational Diabetes was the only issue, and that was toward the end and wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Though now I wonder if I’ll have it again in a future pregnancy.
2. I was worried about the sickness. Would I be constantly throwing up? I hate throwing up. I didn’t once break my no puking rule, but I did feel sick most days, especially in the evenings for a while.
3. I was absolutely terrified about labor and delivery. There are just so many wildcards that can come at you and you really can’t predict or control your birth. Will I be able to handle the pain, even with all the drugs? As it turns out, I had to get induced because of gestational diabetes, so nothing went like I expected. Also, they turned off my epidural when it came time to push, and that was just awful. I’ll be carrying this fear with me to a future pregnancy.
4. I worried whether I’d be able to really love a little stranger or if I would resent his or her presence in my life. I know, totally didn’t need to worry about that. Though now I worry how will I be able to love another baby like I love this one.
5. I was scared of the newborn phase. The tiny delicate little baby that could be so easy to accidentally hurt – I never really held babies before. Instinct took over and the little tiny babies are actually tougher than they look.
6. The sleepless nights terrified me too. Would I be able to handle the sleep deprivation and still be able to care for the child? The sleepless nights were quite awful. I’ll carry that one with me to the next one. But somehow I survived that with my sanity intact.
7. I worried about breastfeeding, whether I’d be able to do it, and how much of a commitment that would be. As it turns out, my body is kind of failing in this one, though I’m still trying to give him at least the few ounces I do produce. I’ll be worried about this next time too, pretty much expecting my body to fail again.
8. I worried about parenting in general. Will I be able to make the right decisions? Will I raise the child well? This fear will just continue for the rest of forever, won’t it?
9. I was worried about the loss of my control. I like to plan and feel like I’m in control of the direction my life is taking, but children bring so many variables to the equation of life, that all that planning can go out the window. Yep, but I’ve gotten better about letting go of the control needs.
10. I feared my loss of identity the most. Would I still be able to be me, have my own interests and hobbies, or would I only be “___’s Mom”? I’m working on not making this the case. It is very hard to have your own time with a baby, but I try to take time to myself occasionally when I can. Having my career helps a lot with identity, too.
New Moms – do you share these fears? Or what fears did you have before having a baby? I’d love to know!
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A Cornish Mum says
In all honesty I hated being pregnant both times, I felt huge queasy, hot and uncomfortable but oh my word the results of both those pregnancies were more than worth it.
Thanks for linking up to #TenThings lovely, have a great Christmas
Stevie x
Julie says
Pregnancy definitely isn’t an easy time, but neither is the fourth trimester, or fifth or sixth lol
Sabrina (The Mummy Stylist) says
I can relate to all of these! And all of those fears didn’t really materialise except for labour – it really was that bad! x
#tenthings
Julie says
Yes it was! Thanks Sabrina:)
Louisa says
Great list… I can empathise with them all but especially number 9. Losing control was my biggest fear. #tenthings
Julie says
We like to be in control of what happens to us, even though we can’t be huh? Thanks Louisa!
martyn says
Great post ! I think many pregnant women would completely empathise with this! Hope it helps them to not feel so alone in it. #tenthings
Julie says
Being able to commiserate and have that “you too?” feeling with someone else is great 🙂
Something Crunchy Mummy says
Great list and I’m sure every pregnant women has felt like this at one point. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx
Christine Kenny says
Such a great list and i’m sure there were many more that would make it on to this list. My biggest fear (with my twin boys) was how I was logistically going to feed, move and carry two babies at once. Instincts and my loving husband helped me find a way. #justanotherlinky
Julie says
Oh that is a really legitimate fear, Moms need to have more than one pair of hands with twins for sure. Thanks Christine 🙂
Adventures of a Novice Mum says
Was it therapeutic getting these down? Having a child is not a piece of cake, woman … :-). My word, so many variables, so many changes, so many things to consider; so defineing, so lasting, so everything. One of the pluses of my inability to look too far beyond my pregnancy was my lack of attention to potential fears; howerver, breastfeeding illiteracy was one of its downsides, though. #CommentLuv
Julie says
Definitely so everything, but that’s good that you didn’t pay attention to many potential fears 🙂
Rabia @TheLiebers says
Those are all pretty realistic fears. I think just spelling them out makes them a bit easier to handle. I was worried about going from one to two, but it worked out fine and the third was easy!
Julie says
I’m worried about going from one to two! Thanks Rabia 🙂
Gingi says
I had all those same fears! It’s amazing how fear can melt away to joy and peace and faith when a baby arrives! <3 – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com
Julie says
Truth! 🙂 Somehow that little baby can make you feel so relaxed and happy. Thanks Gingi!
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says
I wasn’t that scared before I had kids because I was blissfully ignorant. 🙂 I’ve had three kids now and if I found out I was pregnant again (NOT GOING OT HAPPEN!) I would be terrified!
Julie says
Blissfully ignorant is good though, keeps you from unnecessary worrying. Thanks Lisa 🙂
Stacey Gannett says
Such a great list! The biggest fear that I had was in my second pregnancy…I came down with full blown chicken pox in my first trimester. The doctor’s had to do some investigation to give me possible complications. I was petrified, but was blessed to have all come out fine with a beautiful healthy baby boy. Have a great week!
Julie says
Yikes, chicken pox is scary enough without being pregnant. Glad everything turned out ok! Thanks Stacey!
Tamara says
Oh yes. So much. I hate throwing up too, as you now know about me!
I didn’t have gestational diabetes but I failed the first test spectacularly. It was a fluke in the end but I still pricked my finger until six weeks after the baby was born just to make sure. I feared childbirth like nothing else! And it wasn’t even the hardest part in the long run. The second was even easier!
Julie says
When I was pushing, or I should say clenching my entire body so that’s why the baby didn’t come out for a few hours because I didn’t know how to push… I got very nauseous. The nurse told me go ahead and throw up, you’ll feel better. That shocked me so much that the feeling went away. No. Throwing up because of hormone overload can’t make you feel better since you’re not getting rid of food that made you sick, so no. NO thanks. Glad we’re on the same page about that. I sure hope the second birth is easier!!! Thanks Tamara 🙂